Mixed Emotions

My goodness, it's amazing how I can be so down in the dumps (I will explain in a moment) and then be so lifted by the love of one person ( will explain this too!)

Today started out so beautiful. I woke up to find a frost on all the car windows and a light fog that the sun was shining down through. I like to think Heavenly Father shines that light just for me sometimes! (Atleast, it makes me smile.)

I have decided to start cleaning once a month for a church member. She just needs a little pick up and since her MS is getting out of control, she's asked me to step in and help her husband out with the "womanly things". So, I get to her home and Eden is really enjoying himself. He is bringing so much joy to Sister M. and I get the sweeping and mopping done to move on to vacuuming.

I start the vacuum and Sister M. starts talking so I shut it off. She stops, I start again. Then she talks again, so I shut the vacuum off again. Third times the charm right?! Well, not in my case.... I started the vacuum and has not even pushed it forward and I head glass falling and the floor vibrate. All that I remember at that instant was both Sister M. & I saying "uh oh" at the same time. Her 5 shelf hutch collapsed. All 5 shelves, holding 5 generations of crystal that had been handed down from England.

I know I didn't cause the fall but I can't help but feel responsible. And sweet Sister M. does not hold me responsible at all. She said that Heavenly Father has a plan and was sure that her favorites were saved. I offered to immediately pick it up and sort through stuff with her, but she will wait until tomorrow and do it with her husband.

I haven't been able to get it out of my head since. But I will call her tomorrow and apologize again and see if I can come out and help out in any way. That is, if she will let me come over again!

So, as I've struggled all day with this I had a feeling to read through my blogs. I wrote a blog last week about Stake Conference and there was a single comment: "Thank you Staci, your words strengthen me." What? My words? Trust me, I am not one with wisdom or even the knowledge of how to use our language correctly! But D. knew to share the words that would lift my spirits and remind me that Heavenly Father does love me. And even through struggles, He will guide my path and keep me strong.

I am so thankful that Emiley married into the Rios family because they came into my life too. I think of them all constantly and D. and J. They are amazing people. And I am so thankful for the family with a special nephew and niece to light my path. Being an auntie is as amazing as being a mama.

Love,
Staci

Another Joyous Stake Conference

Well, we've returned from another wonderful stake conference. I am so refreshed and feel like life is so good right now!! The past two days have been amazing.

Saturday, we started off with President Price conducting and we had two guest speakers that bore their testimony. Both being converts too. Brother (??) stood up and the first things out of his mouth "It's a miracle, I am here today." My tears started immediately. How could someone feel the same exact way as I did at that very moment. He went on to share his past history of very hard life growing up with parents not in the gospel and the struggles that came with that. - Once again, I think on that daily! This brother, then went on to share how he knew only the gospel to be true and that he was the first in his ancestry to take the step to stop the bad habits that had over come the rest of his family. He wanted to have a wife sealed to him in the temple and children under the covenant. He wanted to know that there was a Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and learn to honor them. And you know what, this amazing brother did just that. He accepted Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and the Spirit to come unto him. The blessings have been tremendous and he is ever so thankful for these gifts.

All during conference, I could feel this enormous weight on my shoulders. I felt like I was sinking lower and lower in my chair. All of these thoughts kept passing through my mind from my past, and I just prayed. Nothing else, but prayer. I can't tell you all of what was talked about during conference, but I can tell you Heavenly Father knew I was there. He had a purpose for me. And I believe it to be that he was showing me that it's ok to move forward and live a gospel centered life. To leave the past where it is and to search only for what today and the future holds. To love my family with all of my heart and never let anything be in the way of that. To love and cherish Heavenly Father and sing praises to his son as well. Be diligent in my prayers, know my Father is always listening and guiding me.

When President Tree stood to share the closing remarks, I felt that pressure release. In President Tree's words, he shared to not be afraid of Heavenly Father. To only seek to find him more in our lives everyday. And to help those around us feel the same way too. He reminded us that right now we might be struggling, but to get on our knees and pray. Our hearts will be healed. President Tree gave us a promise that many leaders have given before. He said, "We are never alone and will always be guided by the Spirit if we just listen."

I walked away from this meeting with a new perspective on life. I need to work harder on turning to Heavenly Father for all of my answers. I need to never give up, there is something better just around the bend if I keep reaching. I need to tell my family more how much they truly mean to me. And share my testimony more with others, not just my journal. My words might be heard by someone else and help them at a hard time. We never know why we are put in the situation we are until we have completed the task. Heavenly Father will reward us for our service.

Love,
Staci